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dinsdag 30 juli 2013

Two More Days

I fly to Port-au-Prince Thursday morning.
My bags are packed.
My possessions are stored or given away.
I'm leaving.

I don't know how to write this blogpost. I don't know what I should feel.  I don't know which of the feelings I am feeling are worth pinning down onto this public paper. In these last few days before transitioning, I want to make every word count. I want to be useful in my sharing. And I also want to gush and vent and any other action verb related to pouring out what I'm feeling.

Instead, I will stick to facts. Cold, hard facts, holding up my human fabric like pushpins on a cork board.


Facts:

I will not have my cell number in Haiti. Wednesday is the last day that number will reach me.

Housing:

I will be living in a two story house 3 minutes walk from the school.  Under it's roof I will pick up the dusty habits of living with roommates, six of them. (and the people said: 'oi Vey')The house itself sounds like a typical answer to prayer. Very specific prayer items clearly answered (new tiles) but whole vistas of assumed realities turned on their heads or distorted in a way that makes it hard to relate it to what I was expecting.
The house has 2 kitchens, 2 living rooms, 4 bathrooms (I know, insert sigh of relief here) 6 bedrooms (repeat previous sigh) a large balcony and stairs to the roof. 
I was expecting a housemate or maybe two, but in no way did it ocure to me that I could be living with 5 other girls. And yet, some of my happiest memories are when I am surrounded by the quiet (or not so quiet) hum of other people living their lives through mine. I'm both excited (This is the girl who looked into both communal living on a farm in florid and a monastery in New York) and filled with trepidation (many people mean many needs. Will I be able to establish a pattern that will help my own needs?)

Praise:  

I love community. I thrive on community. I like people. I'm kinda like a dog that way. ( my friends came home and it was AWESOME)

Prayer:

I can get overstimulated. I can forget to eat because there are distractions going on. I might not have my own space. I'm kinda like a cat that way.

Goodbyes:

My church sent me off this sunday. They prayed over me.  They also completely surprised and blessed me with an unexpected gift. Let me just say that the amount they gave me left me speechless for a good thirty seconds and dazed for hours.  A little background on this: I had made the decision, in consultation with God, that I would not ask my church for money at any point, but if they asked me, I would have a number ready for them and the reasons for this number (essentially the numbers on the support tab). Essentially, because I am being given a partial salary that will provide for my basic needs, it didn't seem right to ask for anything that would allow me to feel comfortable. But I also wanted to be careful that I wasn't putting my words into God's mouth. I wanted to be open to whatever God has for me and some of you will understand when I say thatWhat mattered to me was that my church would commit to pray for me while I was gone and they had already agreed to do this. They were under no further commitment to me. They gave because they wanted to and I was able to accept this gift as a gift. My usual guilty feelings about fundraising and missionaries asking for money had been left voiceless.  The elders had asked the church members to think about what they would like to give, and they gave. It's humbling, but the kind of humbling that gives me strength rather than the opposite.  I am realizing God means it when he says 'Don't worry about tomorrow or what it will bring.' plan, yes. Work towards it, yes. But worrying is verboten. Worrying is.. not allowed.  Obviously I will worry, but the audacious truth is starting to dawn on me that I have to practice not worrying. That means, I have to actively let go.. I get to let go. 

Praise:

Obviously... God's provision!

Prayer: 

I really want to continue to actively Not Worry. Actually, that's Listen for God's direction and Not Worry.

Flight:

I'm flying with MIF from Fort Pierce, thursday morning. Check-in is at 6 A.M. and I arrive somewhere between 11 and 1 in PaP. I'll be picked up from the airport by a staff member from the school. As soon as I have internet access after a post will go up to let you all know I made it safe.


There are more things I'd like to ramble on about, but I'm already wordier than I had thought.

Final notes:

Love the brotherhood,  fear God, honour the king.





donderdag 11 juli 2013

Prayer- What is it good for?

That's a serious question. I'm sitting at the computer, creating birthday cards, and the blinking light on my phone alerts me that I have once again forgotten to switch from silent mode to regular phone mode. And that I have a message. It's a message from the cruise line I'm taking my little sister on in a week, and I immediately am stricken by panic.  I have so many ambivalent feelings about this cruise. What if it makes me look superficial? What if it makes people feel I'm not taking their money seriously? What if I get hurt, or sick, or randomly die? Some of those are valid questions, but I don't know how to handle them very well.  Usually I 'do something' to keep the fear away. But not this time. This is my Christmas/Birthday/Promise fullfilment present to my little sister and my last chance to spend two days alone with her. This is, to put it mildly 'a big deal' and I won't allow my neurotic people pleasing side OR my independent, serious, save the whales side destroy the fun I aim to have with her. Yet one phone call and my insides feel as if someone sharped them (That's a new word Parker came up with earlier today. He jabbed himself with the sharp end of a toy jet plane and proclaimed that he had just sharped himself. I like it. It's got the benefit of being very distinctivly descriptive)  I'm tasting steel in my mouth, and my head hurts. I take a deep breath, and embrace those feelings. once I do, I can see them stretch their silver tendrils out in a web across my very existence. 'what if I get ripped off?' merges with 'What if Haiti is a big mistake?' and 'what if I die alone'.  Big...scary... and irrelevant. Once I could see what I was afraid of, I was able to separate out what was the immediate problem from what were tomorrows issues and what were simply part of the pain of existence.
And then, I prayed. Only after knowing what was going on, could I do any real praying. Once I prayed, I felt relief, and  a calm. Maybe facing an eternal being puts a cruise in perspective.

A timely reminder, as QCS (the school I'm teaching at) has just sent me the list of students per grade. They asked me to pray for them. At first I panicked, thinking - I don't want to spend my evenings and spare moments staring blankly at a card and reciting a litany of 'keep them from harm. make them learn, keep them from drugs'. Now, I'm rethinking praying for them.

Basic information

Hello all!

Since I did not give a full description of  what I’ll be doing, where I’ll be doing it and with whom, I feel compeled to cut and paste the following from the Quisqueya Haiti handbook. Obviously I don’t own any of the following material. I’ve also added mailing and actual address to the side of the blog, just in case you wanted to know how to get hold of me. Please remember that there’s a retrieval fee for any package (not letters) you send.

Introduction to Quisqueya Christian School

Quisqueya (kiss-kay'-uh) Christian School (QCS) was founded in 1974 by a group of
missionary parents who wanted Christian schooling for their children. The school began
that fall with 35 students. For the first two years, an orphanage graciously allowed QCS to share the facility, a three-acre campus located between the capital city of Port-au-Prince and the residential suburb of Petionville. When the owner of the property decided to sell, the orphanage declined the offer, and QCS bought the property in 1976.
Approximately 300 students are enrolled in Pre-Kindergarten through Grade Twelve.
One of Quisqueya's primary goals is to serve missionaries by providing schooling for
their children, and the broader goal is to provide a school for the English speaking
Christian population of Port-au-Prince. The mission of QCS is “To provide the best
possible US accredited education where students learn to understand, interpret and
analyze the world from a Christian view. Quisqueya Christian school offers a biblically
integrated program based on and correlating with the American system of education.”

Brief History of Haiti

When Columbus landed on Haiti in 1492, he named it Hispaniola, or "Little Spain." At that time it was inhabited by the Taino, a group of Arawak speaking people. The Taino were killed by the thousands by disease when Spanish armies came in search of gold. Between smallpox and slavery, almost all traces of native inhabitants have been obliterated, though the following Arawak words were incorporated into English: barbeque, canoe, tobacco, potato, and hurricane. The French and the Spanish fought for control of the new world and settled their dispute by dividing the island. The French took the western part, Haiti, and the Spanish took the eastern part, which is now the Dominican Republic. The French planters lived like royalty on their large plantations. In fact, Cap Haïtien, a city on the northern coast, was called "the Paris of the New World." The planters brought slaves from Africa to work for them and forced the Indians into slavery. Many were slaughtered mercilessly and others died of a broken heart. During this time, social classes began to develop. The Grandes Blancs, very wealthy white planters, were the leaders both socially and politically. The Petites Blancs were the poor white tradesmen. The Affranchits were the children of the Grandes Blancs and the slaves, many of whom were free and well educated in France. The slaves were the lowest class who worked hard and were treated harshly. Unrest developed. The Affranchits sought freedom but were denied, and the slaves, who greatly outnumbered the Europeans, became very unhappy with their condition. Within these two groups there arose intelligent, brave leaders who led the great mass of slaves in a revolt against the French. The stories of their battles and tactics are unequaled. Among Haiti's national heroes of this time are Jean-Jacques Dessalines, Alexandre Pétion, Toussaint L'Ouverture, Henri Christophe, Jean-Pierre Boyer, and André Rigaud.In an incredible struggle for independence, the slaves liberated themselves, and Napoleon's armies were ousted. On January 1, 1804, after nearly two hundred years of French rule, Haiti became the first free black republic in the world and the second oldest republic in the Western Hemisphere. Since acquiring her independence, Haiti has experienced a tumultuous political history. Two of the most well-known recent governments were that of the Duvalier family regime which ruled from 1957 to 1986, and that of Jean-Bertrand Aristide. Aristide was elected president in December 1991, deposed in 1992, restored in 1994, and completed his term in 1996. René Préval served one term as President before Aristide was reelected in 2000. René Préval was sworn into office on the 14th of May 2006 as the 55th President of Haiti, and he is the current president. On January 12, 2010, a massive earthquake destroyed much of down town Port-au-Prince, as well as areas to the west. Some experts believe as many as 300,000 died with as many as 1.5 million people living in tents, under tarps, and in temporary shelters. The Inter-American Developmental Bank rates this earthquake as the worst disaster in modern history. This exacerbates existing problems of poverty, malnutrition, lack of education, unemployment, erosion of the natural resources, superstition, and weak government. QCS remains confident that, in spite of difficult circumstances, God is building his church and the gates of hell will not prevail against it.

Location and Geography

Haiti occupies the western third (10,714 square miles) of the island of Hispaniola, the second largest of the Caribbean Islands. The Dominican Republic is located on the eastern two-thirds. Haiti, which means "high land" in the original Indian language, is well named, with mountains that rise to 9,000 feet above sea level. Haiti is blessed with many beautiful flowers, palms and plants. However, Haiti's supply of timber, including mahogany, pine and logwood, is rapidly diminishing.

Climate

Haiti has one of the most pleasant climates in the Caribbean. Temperatures are high in the coastal areas, with never-ending summer weather ranging from 75° to 95°. The temperature is cooler in higher elevations. An autumn-like 50°-75° prevails in the high country where berries, peaches, and strawberries grow, and the climate has been compared to that of San Francisco. Rain seldom lasts more than an hour or two in the evening during the rainy season. Port-au-Prince has two rainy seasons - April through June and August through November. The driest months are December through March. Haiti lies in the Caribbean hurricane belt, but most hurricanes pass to the north or south of the island. Port-au-Prince is protected by the bay and by a ring of mountains that protect the city from storms. Thunderstorms are common during the rainy seasons.

People

The Haitians are a proud, gracious, resourceful, courageous, and friendly people. Blacks constitute 95% of the population, mulattos and whites make up 5%. The foreign community is concentrated in the capital and is comprised primarily of American, Canadian, French, Dutch, German, Syrian, and Lebanese. The population is over 9 million people.

Language

The official languages of Haiti are French and Creole. French is spoken by about 10% of the people, while the rest speak Creole or a blend of the two. With the influence of American popular culture and business opportunities in trading with the United States, English has become increasingly important in Haiti, and English speakers are regularly encountered, especially in the capital. Many hotels, airline offices, restaurants, and shops have English-speaking personnel.

Religion

The official and predominant religion of Haiti is Roman Catholicism. The early slaves brought their African religions with them, but as soon as they arrived in Haiti, the French priests baptized and "Christianized" them. The French permitted them to hold their Saturday night African voodoo worship ceremonies and then forced them to attend mass on Sunday. As a result, most Haitian peasants seem to regard Catholicism and voodoo as inseparable and usually consider themselves to be members of both religions. Approximately 16% of the population identifies itself as Protestant, and there are numerous Protestant missions working in Haiti. Many of the missions are involved not only in church planting and discipleship, but also in education and development work as well. Though Haiti is officially a Roman Catholic country, there is total freedom of worship for all people. This gives evangelical missions an opportunity to witness and establish churches and schools. The people are eager to hear the gospel, but because of their background in voodoo mixed with Catholicism, there are many difficulties facing Haitians who become Christians. Voodoo is a combination of mysterious rituals, symbols, music and dances. The voodooist believes in one supreme god, but contacts his god through the "loas," powerful, but secondary gods. He also believes there are spirits everywhere and he must constantly please them through gifts and sacrifices. The peasant lives in fear of offending one of these spirits and spends his life appeasing one god after another, often sacrificing all he has. The "houngan" and "mambo" (priests) are considered very powerful because they can cause curses or blessings to fall upon a person.

donderdag 4 juli 2013

The Final Countdown


First, click on this link so it can play while you read the rest of the post. If it ends before you get to the end, take a shot.
The final countdown
As I typed in the title to this blog, the outer waves of this realisation began to hit me: In three weeks, every single aspect of my life will look different.
The wonderful reality of moving hit me when I booked my plane ticket. I'm flying a DC 3 into Port Au Prince on the 25th of July.  That’ll be a new experience. I’ve a vague memory of flying in a Cesna over Ecuador, but that’s pretty much it.
I’m going to spend the last three weeks doing the following.
1)    Pack: I am trying to compromise between moving intact, memories and all, and moving quick and easy. Dilemnas that I have been facing are seemingly trite, such as “do I take the teacups or more spices?”, “take a pair of fancy heals or hiking boots?”  and then of course, what books do I take or leave? That once is easy because I’m always paring down my library and hard, because, well, I’m always paring down my library. I thought I had no despensible books left. At this point, I’m not just trimming the fat, but cutting into muscle.
2)    Watch ‘the Lone Ranger’. No spoilers please.
3)    Work on curriculum. I’m trying to have a decent map set out so I can begin planning classes. 
4)    Maybe,  just maybe, work on my thesis. Like that’s going to happen.
5)    Enjoy my family.  Happy 4th, by the way.  It’s kind of a side note to getting to spend almost a week with my ENTIRE family. This won’t happen again for a while.  I wonder at how different life turns out than what you expect. Our family of four kids, one brother-in-law, two nephews and a friend, total: 10.  My best friend from back home is having a similar reunion with her family. Six kids, all married, most of them with multiple kids.  I’ve lost count of how many people comprise that little tribe. 
6)    Face some fears. Like, I’m still single. Huge fear. Logicaly, that should be more of a want unmet or something, but for me it’s fear. Being single means I don’t have someone watching out for me in a foreign country, no family surrounding me. Like I said Fear-definitly irrational, therefore, harder to erradicate. But all our fears are deeply irrational, because they are in some sense always coming true. Everyone’s alone, in some way. Another fear: working a full week.  I am sure I can be capable of it but I havn’t done it in while. What if I can’t?

There are more items to the list, but Matt’s got the barbeque started and I have three books on Chaucer staring me in the face. If I get through one book today, I will crown myself emperor of efficiency. Oh, and two devilishly handsome boys grinning up at me from under the table.

And so it begins...


As you see, I’ve done the inevitable and started a blog for my Haiti experience.
I’ve enjoyed reading those blogs of people who have gone before me, as they gave me a good insight into ‘real’ life in Haiti, and I hope to be able to be as faithful in updating as they were.  Maybe there’s someone out there who needs to read what I’ve got to say just as I needed to read what they wrote.
I also was asked by a friend whether my newsletters were going to continue to be, well,  edited and this rankled with me. The last thing in the world I want to do is edit myself to appeal to a larger audience. And yet,  that was what I was doing. I was making myself sound ‘sellable’, ‘relatable’ and other junk.  I want to chase other buzzwords, no matter how hackneyed. ‘authentic’, ‘honest’, maybe even ‘couragous’. How many newsletters have I grown up reading that seemed to me no more than a brief business report? Too many. Little heart and no soul.
I am more comfortable writing things in a blog, and the chances of me uploading pictures is greater, if I have a blog, and well, I have more space to ramble. That’s always a good thing. Right?

Anyways, there is still a ‘Support’ link above, so that if you felt so inclined, you could.  The third tab is a link to my own poetic work or works of people I admire.  Que aproveche!