Two More Days

I fly to Port-au-Prince Thursday morning.
My bags are packed.
My possessions are stored or given away.
I'm leaving.

I don't know how to write this blogpost. I don't know what I should feel.  I don't know which of the feelings I am feeling are worth pinning down onto this public paper. In these last few days before transitioning, I want to make every word count. I want to be useful in my sharing. And I also want to gush and vent and any other action verb related to pouring out what I'm feeling.

Instead, I will stick to facts. Cold, hard facts, holding up my human fabric like pushpins on a cork board.

Facts:

I will not have my cell number in Haiti. Wednesday is the last day that number will reach me.

Housing:

I will be living in a two story house 3 minutes walk from the school.  Under it's roof I will pick up the dusty habits of living with roommates, six of them. (and the people said: 'oi Vey')The house itself sounds like a typical answer to prayer. Very specific prayer items clearly answered (new tiles) but whole vistas of assumed realities turned on their heads or distorted in a way that makes it hard to relate it to what I was expecting.

The house has 2 kitchens, 2 living rooms, 4 bathrooms (I know, insert sigh of relief here) 6 bedrooms (repeat previous sigh) a large balcony and stairs to the roof. 

I was expecting a housemate or maybe two, but in no way did it ocure to me that I could be living with 5 other girls. And yet, some of my happiest memories are when I am surrounded by the quiet (or not so quiet) hum of other people living their lives through mine. I'm both excited (This is the girl who looked into both communal living on a farm in florid and a monastery in New York) and filled with trepidation (many people mean many needs. Will I be able to establish a pattern that will help my own needs?)

Praise:  

I love community. I thrive on community. I like people. I'm kinda like a dog that way. ( my friends came home and it was AWESOME)

Prayer:

I can get overstimulated. I can forget to eat because there are distractions going on. I might not have my own space. I'm kinda like a cat that way.

Goodbyes:

My church sent me off this sunday. They prayed over me.  They also completely surprised and blessed me with an unexpected gift. Let me just say that the amount they gave me left me speechless for a good thirty seconds and dazed for hours.  A little background on this: I had made the decision, in consultation with God, that I would not ask my church for money at any point, but if they asked me, I would have a number ready for them and the reasons for this number (essentially the numbers on the support tab). Essentially, because I am being given a partial salary that will provide for my basic needs, it didn't seem right to ask for anything that would allow me to feel comfortable. But I also wanted to be careful that I wasn't putting my words into God's mouth. I wanted to be open to whatever God has for me and some of you will understand when I say thatWhat mattered to me was that my church would commit to pray for me while I was gone and they had already agreed to do this. They were under no further commitment to me. They gave because they wanted to and I was able to accept this gift as a gift. My usual guilty feelings about fundraising and missionaries asking for money had been left voiceless.  The elders had asked the church members to think about what they would like to give, and they gave. It's humbling, but the kind of humbling that gives me strength rather than the opposite.  I am realizing God means it when he says 'Don't worry about tomorrow or what it will bring.' plan, yes. Work towards it, yes. But worrying is verboten. Worrying is.. not allowed.  Obviously I will worry, but the audacious truth is starting to dawn on me that I have to practice not worrying. That means, I have to actively let go.. I get to let go. 

Praise:

Obviously... God's provision!

Prayer: 

I really want to continue to actively Not Worry. Actually, that's Listen for God's direction and Not Worry.

Flight:

I'm flying with MIF from Fort Pierce, thursday morning. Check-in is at 6 A.M. and I arrive somewhere between 11 and 1 in PaP. I'll be picked up from the airport by a staff member from the school. As soon as I have internet access after a post will go up to let you all know I made it safe.

There are more things I'd like to ramble on about, but I'm already wordier than I had thought.

Final notes:

Love the brotherhood,  fear God, honour the king.