I love the period of Lent.
Starting off with a bang, a party, a big carnival, then Ash wednesday and it's sacred pessimism ushering us into a time of simplicity and introspection. I've given up things over the years, but it hasn't been about giving up. It's been about anticipation. Easter needs that kind of build-up.
I've done something strange for Lent this year.
I've decided to add something, rather than give something up.
I have, for most of my life, noticed that my own particular demons tend to be exactly those things that others are striving towards as goals in Christian or Moral living. I used to think that made me 'more advanced' or 'more pious' than others. It took a long time to see that really, it just made me very isolated. I know I'm not alone in this, and I'm guessing others like me also feel isolated in this.
Essentially, I used altruism, selfless sacrificing, Christian ethics as others use other sophorific crutches. If I give enough, love enough, become self-effacing enough, I do not have to listen to my own hurt, my own fears. I do not have to BE. I do not have to recognize myself as an emotional creature that can be let down, disappointed or hurt.
So for Lent, rather than giving up something (because I give up everything, just so I don't have to feel the hurt of having it taken away. Seriously. Look at how many countries I've lived in) I'm choosing to BE in an area of life I have stopped BE-ing.
I stopped writing poetry a while ago, because poetry can be brutally honest. I did not like how my writing reflected actual struggles I had. I did not like having that much of myself on display.
So my Lenten challenge is to write poetry. I haven't set myself a goal other than to write at least once a week and to post it as soon as I've spell-checked it.
It's an exercise in being, without asking for a response, but without denying there will be one either.
What will you be doing for Lent?
